The Window that Sees It All

Do you sometimes feel like you have all the time in the world but still got nothing to do? And you're stuck there in that infinite loop. It's not like you don't wanna get up and create something. It's not like you're lazy. You have it all in your head. The direction, the outlook, the time, the creativity, the output. But your body doesn't have just the strength and motivation to do so. Its the same 4 walls, same bed, same table, same mess, and the same window you always look out from, trying to reach to the stars but end up looking at the motors passing by, mindlessly. You rot in your bed, looking through your window, catching glimpse of the changing world outside. Seeing the sun set and the moon come up, and the moon set and the sun come up, and the sun set and........The world on the two sides of that window are completely different. The one on the right experiences light and dark, heat and cold, commotion and silence. But the one on the left gets to experience only dark cold silent box with screen light piercing eyes that haven't blinked since forever.

I'm 19. People say it's the age where one is at the zenith of vitality. Go out, make friends, experience new things, fall in love, get your heart broken, party, run, sing, scream, dance...... You'll never be 19 again! It's your last teenage year, make the most out of it, for this time shall never return.

Yes aunty yes. I do wanna experience it all. I do wanna run and fall, sing and dance, scream and sob. But how do I explain it to you that my inners just don't allow it. I just don't feel it. How do I tell you that I feel like a puppet who's master has left him in a corner of a dark cold room, never to return, while it lies in there all helpless. How do I make you understand that I'm always in my bed not cause I'm lazy, but because I do not have the strength to face what life has to offer to me, good or bad. My inner limits have captured me over the outer limitlessness.

But in the end, the only thing that keeps my heart pounding is the hope that one day, in the shadows of my confined existence, I yearn for the strength to break free from the puppeteer's strings and embrace the boundless possibilities beyond the silent window.